


Quixotic

by lcdsra



Series: LCDSRA's A-Z Soulmate Prompts [17]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-23
Updated: 2020-09-23
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:13:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26608810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lcdsra/pseuds/lcdsra
Summary: /kwikˈsädik/adjective1. exceedingly idealistic; unrealistic and impractical.Or: Do Weapons dream of soulmates?
Relationships: None
Series: LCDSRA's A-Z Soulmate Prompts [17]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1935553





	Quixotic

**Author's Note:**

> AU: You can see and interact with your soulmate when you’re dreaming sometimes.
> 
> Character(s): Nina/Dust/Primavera, Shard/Saga, Rain  
> Relationship(s): Dust/Julian  
> Warning(s): Poison consumption, gore, human experiments

The first time Nina consumed poison, it was an accident.

See, Moon Dust, Primavera, Nina, was starving.

She didn’t know the difference between the bad stuff and the edible stuff. It was sitting outside in a bowl, not unlike pet bowls. She had learned that pet food was edible and somewhat easy to come by, so she didn’t even think twice when she ate it.

A few days later, large bruises began to develop over her body. Blood dripped from her nose and gums, and she wanted to scream. The world was dizzy and lopsided, and she couldn’t breathe, and at some point she must’ve passed out.

And, for the first time, she saw him. Julian Clay, who was just as young as her, maybe a little younger. He introduced himself, and asked if she wanted to play. Just then she had noticed that landscape was not the grey, dirty buildings that she collapsed around, but a sunny field.

She had nodded. They played.

Later, she woke up in a hospital, the first hospital she ever remembered being in. It was very white and bright, and a little chilly, but not in a bad way. A woman came and went and fed her food she couldn’t name.

At the time, talking wasn’t easy. Someone must have taught her how, though, because, with some coaxing, the woman managed to get her to speak.

A few words, like _no_ and _yes_ , and _more_ were easy. Her name was Nina, but she wasn’t sure why. Others, like her parents, living situation, were harder. She didn’t have an answer, and whatever answer she gave was never enough.

Next came the medical bills and the money that she never had but still owed, so she could only really run.

After she was much more careful about consuming unknown substances. But that didn’t really make much of a difference.

: : :

The second time Moon Dust consumed poison was under scientific observation. They (Roksana) wanted to know if the human body was able to survive types of poison. She was an experiment only at the time.

She remembered the pain. She remembered her heart beating too fast in her chest. It felt like one of those rabbits she saw before, running and running and getting nowhere, and it hurt so much.

She remembered her head splitting like someone hit her temple, like she tripped and banged her head against a pole. It crawled over her skull, clutched it like a parasite, and dug in its little claws. It hurt. It _hurt_.

She remembered the overwhelming need to vomit. Bile crawled up her stomach, burning acid starting low but quickly tickled the back of her throat. Her mouth watered painfully and tears sprung into her eyes. She could do nothing but struggle against the bonds around her wrists, trying to scream but it only made it worse.

Then came the convulsions. Dust’s body was not her own as she twitched and trembled and her vision whitened and everything hurt, and suddenly she couldn’t even breathe like her body was refusing the oxygen she knew was there.

She didn’t want to die.

She thrashed and shook and _screamed_. And then nothing.

Moon Dust wasn’t sure what happened between screaming into an empty room, to waking up surrounded by people in masks, but she did dream.

She saw Julian again, this time, grown up a little more, sitting seemingly bored at a table, surrounded by other kids. He noticed her, and smiled, and her heart _ached_.

She woke up, his face plastered into her eyelids. She didn’t see him again for 17 years.

: : :

The third and fourth and fifth and furthermore consumptions of poison were entirely purposeful. Scientists tinkered with her body like she was a machine and gave her poisoned food to try out.

Sometimes, on the good days, she’d only experience mild symptoms. Others, well, they were echoes of the first and second time, yet somehow worse.

She didn’t dream. Moon Shard wondered if the scientists who worked on them both had some way of suppressing dreams to prevent soulmate exploration.

When Dust asked, Moon Shard looked at her, confused as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

“Don’t you know about soulmate dream sharing?” The older woman had asked. “Sometimes when you sleep, you can see a memory of your soulmate.”

“Oh.” Dust had replied. “I feel sorry for my soulmate.”

Shard hadn’t brought it up again. Did she feel guilty? Could she even feel guilty? By that time, scientists had given her a certain level of immunity to a variety of poisons and emotional suppressants.

Emotions were petty things that Dust had always glared at, even before being named ‘Moon Dust’. But that one dream that she had almost made wanting those emotions worth it.

: : :

Moon Dust’s last dose of poison was not her choice, either. She didn’t decide to stop taking her doses, no, it was more like her ability to access the treatments were taken from her.

A rival organization named STARS came in and destroyed all semblance of a life she knew. She was off on a mission, poison a water supply in the city. She didn’t realize that MOON had fallen until she tried to return and found ruins.

She would have liked to say she didn’t care and didn’t feel a thing as she searched the wreckages for survivors, but she did.

Moon Dust found Crescent’s body filled with bullets. His expression was wild like he was shouting, even as he bled out.

She found Chace Tomlinson buried under rubble, his ID card still clutched in his hand. Dust never knew him personally, but he was the head of their medical treatments. And he was a reminder of something familiar.

She never found Moon Shard, though, which made a flicker of hope spark in her chest. But it quickly died out when she saw a STARS issued gun.

STARS agents were strange and had odd habits. One was tossing out their weapons when a barrel was empty. Dust had never had the chance to figure out why but had a few thrown at her in the past. Enough to identify the make and model immediately.

If STARS hadn’t come back already, they would again. They’d probably try to document the dead and find all remaining agents.

Which included her.

Dust licked her lips nervously and searched the rubble further. If she could find even another dose of her injections, she could last 3 months without a lot of basic things. There was no guarantee she’d survive without them, and she wasn’t keen on dying.

She wondered if her soulmate would find this memory in their dream. She wondered, further, if she would be able to see her soulmate now that MOON wasn’t around.

Wasn’t that a good thing? Why was her heart racing like it was afraid?

: : :

“I want you to be happy. Your partner, Saga, is.”

Moon Dust was tired. She may have been made immune, or built a tolerance to, a multitude of poisons. But she wasn’t resistant to the most basic sedative, and Shard must have known that.

“I don’t think that’s possible.” Dust replied. Her voice was scratchy from speaking or screaming, or both.

The man on the other side of her pseudo-jail cell only blinked at her. “Your emotions aren’t being blocked anymore. You can feel now.”

“I could feel before.” Dust snapped and, humiliatingly, tears welled up in her eyes. “It’s your fault I’m like this.”

The man who introduced himself as Raimond Collins shook his head slowly. “My goal wasn’t to upset you.”

“Well you are.”

“It’ll take time. But the doctors have said you’ll be able to go out soon.”

“I don’t want to.” She was lying.

Collins shifted slightly, just barely enough for her to catch it. “You have time. But I’ve come to discuss names with you.”

“My name is Moon Dust and I don’t know who _Saga_ is, but my partner is Moon Shard.” She growled. “We have names and you’re refusing to-“she choked back a pathetic sob.

“Think of this as a new beginning, then.” Collins replied carefully. “I’ve left you a book of names and their meanings.”

“I don’t want a new name.”

“Then we can call you Dust forever. But, think on it.” And with that, he was gone.

She did think about it. Dust thought about it a lot, in fact. She scanned the names in the book, and none of them felt like anything.

She spoke them all to herself in her empty cell. She had explored her soulmate’s memories more and more, and she found that she didn’t like how he called her ‘Dust’.

The next night, Moon Dust dreamed of Julian.

Julian was an adult now, or at least what constituted as an adult. It took him awhile to notice her, but when he did, he smiled sadly.

“I almost thought you’d died. I haven’t seen you.”

“I know.” She said, sitting down. She couldn’t really feel anything, and she knew this was only a memory, or a dream? She wasn’t really sure. “Wanna come up with a name for me?”

He came up with ‘Primavera’, which meant, funnily enough, something like a new beginning. When she told Collins the name, he was thrilled, and that day, she was let outside for the first time since her capture.

She was accompanied by Collins and another guard, but she cried when she felt the sun hit her skin. She wasn’t exactly happy, but Primavera felt like she could be.

**Author's Note:**

> I paced around for hours on empty  
> I jumped at the slightest of sounds  
> And I couldn't stand the person inside me  
> I turned all the mirrors around
> 
> \- Control by Halsey


End file.
